My years, 33 to be exact. How can i describe the years of my life? looking backwards it’s a dejected world, i couldn’t even paint it except for beautiful places I’ve been with my father. I must admit i wasn’t the only one who felt dysphoria = extreme sadness = because if i was the only one i will not see famous people who experienced it and take note even from the bible i have read how King david mourns. Though I’ve seen the names and their situations when it comes to real life I get to react like it’s happening to me ! And when that time is same like mine i  said i cannot take it anymore! its indescribable to bear. Since my understanding exists, i began to ask up there. I really do not know about him but i used to dream seeing him with a bushes of torn over his head wearing a red scarf of somehow like a king. Then as my family take me along in church I’ve seen JESUS sculpt all over the church and i said i saw this in my dreams. My questions did not end. Up to now every minute i will look above the clouds and ask never-ending.

I grew up and get married. I thought its a fairy tale. In my opinion 90% of woman dreamed of walking the aisle with a beautiful white dress.  Happy ever after🙋 like Cinderella🙆 not knowing the consequences of  truth what will happen after 10 years💆.

This got me started unto roller coaster so called life and yes I can relate to every articles about failed relationships.


Some people in Scripture felt deep despair in life. Solomon, in his pursuit of pleasure, reached the point where he “hated life” (Ecclesiastes 2:17). Elijah was fearful and depressed and yearned for death (1 Kings 19:4). Jonah was so angry at God that he wished to die (Jonah 4:8). Even the apostle Paul and his missionary companions at one point “were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself” (2 Corinthians 1:8).

Read more:


Uttering words of how and why? a private discussion 
inside my head
“(tete – a-tete)”




Infidelity (also referred to as cheating, adultery, or having an affair) is the subjective feeling that one’s partner has violated a set of rules or relationship norms and this violation results in feelings of sexual jealousy and rivalry (Leeker & Carlozzi, 2012). The violation can be sexual in nature, for example, involving kissing, sexual fondling, or sex with another individual outside of the relationship.

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Proverbs 6:25English Standard Version (ESV)

25″ Do not desire her beauty in your heart,     and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;”

Matthew 5:31-32English Standard Version (ESV)



31 ‘‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”




Deception is a major relational transgression that often leads to feelings of betrayal and distrust between relational partners. Deception violates relational rules and is considered to be a negative violation of expectations. Most people expect friends, relational partners, and even strangers to be truthful most of the time. If people expected most conversations to be untruthful, talking and communicating with others would require distraction and misdirection to acquire reliable information. A significant amount of deception occurs between romantic and relational partners.[1]




When denial (his or ours) can no longer hold and we finally have to admit to ourselves that we’ve been lied to, we search frantically for ways to keep it from disrupting our lives. So we rationalize. We find “good reasons” to justify his lying, just as he almost always accompanies his confessions with “good reasons” for his lies. He tells us he only lied because…. We tell ourselves he only lied because…. We make excuses for him: The lying wasn’t significant/Everybody lies/He’s only human/I have no right to judge him.

Allowing the lies to register in our consciousness means having to make room for any number of frightening possibilities:

• He’s not the man I thought he was.
• The relationship has spun out of control and I don’t know
what to do
• The relationship may be over.

Most women will do almost anything to avoid having to face these truths. Even if we yell and scream at him when we discover that he’s lied to us, once the dust settles, most of us will opt for the comforting territory of rationalization. In fact, many of us are willing to rewire our senses, short-circuit our instincts and intelligence, and accept the seductive comfort of self-delusion.”
Susan Forward, When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal




mis·tressˈmistris/nounplural noun: mistresses; plural noun: Mistresses

  1. 1.a woman in a position of authority or control.
    “she is always mistress of the situation, coolly self-possessed”
  2. 2.a woman having an extramarital sexual relationship, especially with a married man.

“Elsie knew her husband had a mistress tucked away somewhere”

synonyms: lover, girlfriend, kept woman, the other woman; More

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 "Sleepless nights"

“There is no deception on the part of the woman, where a man bewilders himself: if he deludes his own wits, I can certainly acquit the women. Whatever man allows his mind to dwell upon the imprint his imagination has foolishly taken of women, is fanning the flames within himself — and, since the woman knows nothing about it, she is not to blame. For if a man incites himself to drown, and will not restrain himself, it is not the water’s fault.”

John Gower, Confessio Amantis



0fd19caab2f827a4e3ce4fbd2b6cab16“It’s SACRED!!!”

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled” (Heb. 13:4). “The Scriptures tell us clearly that the joyous sexual expression of love between husband and wife is God’s plan. It is, as the writer of Hebrews emphasizes, undefiled, not sinful, not soiled. It is a place of great honor in marriage—the holy of holies where husband and wife meet privately to celebrate their love for each other. It is a time meant to be both holy and intensely enjoyable.”8

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